“Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent.”
~Ambrose Bierce (BrainyQuote)
I chose the above quote because when I look back over the last few months, & beyond that into years, I feel like so much of my time has been misspent. But maybe that’s a harsh critique. Better to think my time was spent the best way I could then to cope with whatever I was going through. Sure so much could have been handled differently, but that is from the perspective of experience & hindsight is 20/20. All we can do is go forward knowing, & trying to do, better.
It has been a while, but I can’t say I have been doing much worth talking about. My moods have been very up & down, in & out. I thought when my Medicare started I would be able to find a new psychiatrist or at least a new counselor. That sadly was not the case. I did however go back to my old doctor here, who was the first person I told about wanting to kill myself, so she helped get me into treatment for the first time. I was 18 then. Half my life ago. And here I am back fighting the same battle. I have an appointment with her Tuesday for a general physical. Assuming of course Medicare still exists then, but that’s a story for another blog. She is working on a referral to a program across the state line.
I have also contacted my old therapist from mental health, because she is the only person there I trust after what happened. She called me, but due to billing issues I would be unable to see her with Medicare unless I cash paid. Which of course I can not do. I am holding out to see what the doctor says next week before I make a move on the Medicare approved LCSW at the local MHC.
Our home was in the path of the April tornadoes. An F4 went right over us. We sustained some damange, but not destruction since we live on a hillside & thankfully it jumped over us. We did get someone’s roof in our yard, which seems to have knocked down the treetop that fell through our ceiling & knocked the top off our front porch. I was home when it hit – it was just after the tornado warning for our county was cancelled – & had to run for safety. I actually saw the tornado as I was running. It was one of the most horrifying experiences of my life. I volunteered with the local response afterward. It was heartbreaking all that was lost that day. Whole families wiped out. As scary as it was, at least my friends & family were all safe.
This week I trained with our local crisis center to be a victim’s advocate for rape & domestic violence. I will also be helping with our local 211 community referral line. They may have some other things they would like for me to do since I am an MSW. I’m excited about it. I have been looking for a volunteer opportunity, but their isn’t much around here. I am hoping to sharpen & expand my skills, as well as rebuild my confidence to return to work.
I have been back to Weight Watchers off & on since I last posted, but not really doing the plan. Last night I finally went back after a month & a half. I started tracking last week & even walked some. The park I was walking in was destroyed in the tornado, so I had quit. (No, I don’t do well when my routine is disrupted. Any excuse I guess.) The majority of it is open again, enough for a one mile lap. I lost 3.2lbs since 6/9. I had gained back about 5lbs, so this put me back over my 10% mark. Ready to work on the next 10%!
To that end I have signed up with a local women’s only gym for a twelve week slim down challenge. I go 8/13 for the initial meeting, where we will meet the trainers & other participants, as well as be weighed & measured. I’m excited! Going to get some new pics then & I’ll be updating my progress page.
And I have also completed my FAFSA & am planning to start back to school next month. I need to go meet with an advisor & the financial aid department in the next couple of weeks. I’ll be going to the local CC where I took tennis (which I failed btw, because this blog is not the only thing I stopped showing up to…). I will be repeating the tennis class to get my grade up, along with algebra, general psych, wellness, & maybe voice. That’s my plan at least. I am hoping in the spring to transfer to a larger university an hour away to study nutrition, fitness, & psychology. From there I plan to begin applying for doctorate programs in Psychology. It’s competitive, so I have a lot to do to become an attractive prospect. But the good news is most doctorates pay for themselves, so little to worry about in the way of financial aid. Plus, when I finish at the uni I should be able to sit for personal trainer certification, & that will make a nice part-time gig.
Well, that’s pretty much what’s going on with me these days. Hope things are going well with you guys! Going to try & keep up with this blog at least weekly after my WW meeting. I’m in a good place right now & I really want to keep it that way. That’s going to take a lot of work & will, so cross your fingers for me!