My Year To Thrive

"My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style." ~Maya Angelou

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So A Lot of People Find Me By Searching On Suicide

Most of my search engine hits come from Google image searches.  In one early post I used an image of a painting featuring a woman jumping off a bridge, & I have since then mentioned that I get a lot of hits of people searching for suicide by jumping off a bridge.

I recently discovered I have a running count of search terms people use to find my blog going back to the beginning.  Here are the top five all time most popular search terms used to find my blog:

committing suicide 115
suicide bridge 79
suicide victims by jumping 76
suicide by jumping 55
jumping off a bridge 47

Here is number six:

macaroni salad 43

And to round it out, here are numbers seven through ten:

people committing suicide 31
jumping off bridge 24
suicide jumping 24
bridge suicide 23

Granted, I have discussed the issue of suicide in a few posts here, but that picture is the only time it has been related to a bridge.  Every day I have hits like this.  It concerns me that this many people are doing suicide related searches.  Of course that doesn’t mean all of these people are considering suicide, but for those that are:

Suicide is just one answer to whatever problems you are facing right now, & it’s not the best one.  But it is the permanent one.

Whether you realize it or not, there are people who love & care about you, who would be devastated if you died.  I know when you’re in the darkness it doesn’t feel like it, but that doesn’t diminish the truth of your place in their life & their love for you.

But don’t just hang on living in pain & suffering for someone else, get help.  There are people who want to help you.  I don’t know where you are, or what your situation is, but I know there has to be someone who can help you, even if it’s just to find the right place to go.  Talk to someone.  Be honest.  I’m alive today because I was.  And no lie, it’s a daily struggle not to give in to the bleakness & the voices, but once you do give in all your other options are closed.  All the things you might have done in your life, all the other lives you might have touched, are gone.

Here is a list of numbers for those in the USA who do not feel they have anyone they can turn to:

For those outside the USA, here is a list of international suicide hotlines by country: International Suicide Hotlines

For those in the GLBTQ community who want to know they person on the other end understands their particular issues, here is a link to The Trevor Project & their Trevor Lifeline.

This page provides links to other pages for depression & suicide, where you can find other people who know how you feel, & many who have come through it.

However hopeless it feels right now, nothing is truly hopeless as long as you’re alive to fight through it.  I know how it feels to be empty & alone, to not be able to see any kind of happiness ahead of you.  To feel like your best option is to end it all, & that it would be the best thing not just for you but for everyone.  But I’ve called the hotlines & I’ve talked to people about how I feel.  I have this blog & a new blog just for being wacky & bipolar.  I write things on paper, too.

I often feel like nobody gives a shit about me, but I have to keep reminding myself it’s the disease talking.  I have to constantly remind myself of all the loving things people have done for me in my life.  Like I said before, it’s a battle I fight every day not to give in to the voices that tell me I’m useless & everyone would be better off if I were dead.  It’s not easy to overcome it, even for a little while, but it’s worth it when I have those good days, or just good moments.  And I just keep moving forward & try to take care of myself, believing someday it’s going to get better & I’ll have a year where the good days outweigh the bad.

So hang in there.  It can get better, but only if you’re around to see it.


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A Healthier Version of Peach Pie

“What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn’t much better than tedious disease.”
~George Dennison Prentice (Food Quotes)

Ingredients for making peach yogurt taste like peach pie

A few rather simple ingredients to boost a peach yogurt beyond its container.

Something new from the home non-cooking front.  My current yogurt obsession is Great Value’s Peach Lowfat Yogurt.  (I buy the four pack, so mine looks a bit different than what’s pictured on the site.)  It’s cheap, available in my area, & has stats comparable to other brands; not to mention it has a great texture & flavor, & actual bits of peach in it.  Not a lot of fruit yogurts can say that. Continue reading

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Talking Turkey On Thanksgiving

“The family – that dear octopus from whose tentacles we never quite escape, nor, in our inmost hearts, ever quite wish to.”
~Dodie Smith (Quote Garden)

Me in a beret trying to smile.

It’s me! Wearing a beret & trying not to look angry while taking my own picture. Not sure why I seem to look angry in most pics I take of myself, guess it’s concentrating.

So I got the rare invite to a holiday dinner with my sister & her clique of cousins on my mother’s side of the family.  I used to try to find out what was going on when, but I got tired of people hem-hawing around it when I asked & then not returning my calls.

I had a good time.  Granted my outfit was a bit an unfortunate choice, but I wore nice shoes.  That counts for a lot.  I’ve lost enough weight now that things are fitting so well anymore, but not so much that it’s worth fixing or replace them, so I just look schlumpy every where I go.  It’s not outside the norm for me anyway.

So, my cousin who has lost a bunch of weight after having gastric bypass caught me alone on the couch & told me all about it.   Continue reading

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How Exercise Impacts Your Mental Health

“Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being, and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.”
~World Health Organization, 1948  (Quotes Garden)

Happy woman running on the beach - she looks surprised like she just saw a friend

Sorry I don’t know the source of this picture. It is from my Motivation folder where it has been for years. Doesn’t she look so happy? I tried to find it, but googling “happy woman running in a green tank top listening to an iPod” didn’t turn it up. Found a bunch of other stuff, some of it disturbing. I need to make sure my safesearch is on.

So, I mentioned yesterday I’m not back to exercise, but it is on my mind.  I’m mentally gearing myself up to get back out there even if right now it feels like I’m not ready to push that far yet. Continue reading

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The Excuses You Use to Not Stick to Your Exercise Program | World of Psychology

“If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.”
~ Buddhist Saying (Quotes on Courage)

Cop pepper spraying an old lady's birthday cake


I’m still around & haven’t forgotten about this blog 🙂  I just had a bad spell, but I survived it.  I quit doing WW, though I’m still paying for it, & I quit exercising, both running & the gym.  I’m going to get back to WW & running, maybe join a little gym in the next town, but right now I’m not worrying about it.  My motto right now is: I’m okay.

I’ve been feeling much better, getting things done around the house & being crafty.  I even finally started posting to my crafting blog.  Finally.  But my good days feel so tenuous, I’m afraid at this point to put any pressure on trying to be more.  So it’s okay if I’m not doing this or following that plan.  I’m doing something that enriches me, so all good.

I do have healthy eating & activity on my mind though, & I saw this article: The Excuses You Use to Not Stick to Your Exercise Program | World of Psychology.

She made a list based on people her trainer friends saw who generally didn’t last.  This one sounds so much like me!

“I can’t wait to start. But first, I need to buy some new clothes. And some new shoes. And a mat. And I want to read up on it, too.”

I had a roommate like this. She loved shopping and everything involved in the preparation stage. But once she had all the stuff she needed for yoga or roller-blading or whatever, she lost interest.

I am such a shopper/preparer!  I love planning, hate doing.  I have been aware for a while of my habit of being all about something, till I feel settled enough in it to shop for it.  Then once I spend all this money on whatever it is, I suddenly lose interest.  What’s that about?  Apparently ^^that^^ is what it’s about. Continue reading