“Take care of your body with steadfast fidelity. The soul must see through these eyes alone, and if they are dim, the whole world is clouded.”
~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (Health Quotes)
Here it is 2012 & I have been quiet for a while. I’m still here, I just haven’t been updating. But since I’m here now, I shall give you the 411 of what is going on with me.
I went back to the MHC & am back on meds. I am taking lamotrigine, a mood stabilizer, & we are still playing with the dose. I’m feeling pretty good these days. Not great & happy & like I could crap a rainbow, but better than I was feeling. I also have something for anxiety that I keep by the bed. I haven’t had to take it very often, but it helps knowing it’s there. Pretty much I’ve only taken it on those nights I can’t sleep because my brain is running in circles reliving all the things I’ve done wrong in my life & I can feel things spiraling in a nasty way. That never ends in a good place.
Going back to the MHC was not an easy decision, but when I realized there were no other realistic options in this area, I had to. I had gotten myself to a pretty good place already, so I was able to just take a few deep breaths & know that what they did before was wrong, but for myself I had to let that go & move forward. I can’t let anger & bitterness hold me back from getting the help I know I need.
I did start bingeing (that doesn’t look right to me, but spellcheck assures me it is correct) again a few months ago. Not bad, but enough. I have put back on maybe 12lbs, but that’s okay. I had to quit Weight Watchers because finances are extra tight right now & I just can’t justify it when I have had to take on a greater financial responsibility at home.
I am running again. I had another depressive episode & stopped. It took a while after I got to feeling better, but this week I got back out there. I am really enjoying it. Surprisingly I have maintained a lot of the progress I had made. I’m not doing anything formal just going out & running when I feel like & walking when I don’t. And stretching of course.
I have decided this year I am going to focus on my mental health & on running. That’s it. I’m not going to worry about my eating. I will be keeping my mind on healthful eating, but I have realized eating is my comfort. I think until I get my mind settled & can either better cope with what is going on in my life or have a life with less to cope with trying to quit emotional eating is like trying to quit smoking during a divorce. It’s a bad idea that has little chance of success, & a better chance of making you feel like failure. I have enough in my life to feel like a failure over. Besides, I find when I’m more active & enjoying it I naturally eat less & eat better.
Anyhoo, that’s what is going on with me. I’m going to be changing some things up around here. I will probably still do progress photos, but not tracking my weight & measurements. I’m not going to worry about my weight anymore, but on how I feel & how my body feels. Photos will be a nice way to keep up on how my body might be changing, plus how genuinely happy I look along the way.
I will also be adding a page for “races”. I plan to do some 5Ks this year. This will probably mean trying to get sponsorship for them or making some sales on my handmade items. I finally have my Etsy shop up, so hopefully I can use that to help out.
Hope this finds all of you doing well!