My Year To Thrive

"My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style." ~Maya Angelou

So It’s A New Year

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“Take care of your body with steadfast fidelity. The soul must see through these eyes alone, and if they are dim, the whole world is clouded.”
~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (Health Quotes)

Oh snap cake...

Pretty much the truth of it. Every. Damn. Time. (pinned on Pinterest & just labeled “uploaded by user” so I can’t track it back to a source or even find where I pinned it from it’s been so long. Sorry.)

Here it is 2012 & I have been quiet for a while.  I’m still here, I just haven’t been updating.  But since I’m here now, I shall give you the 411 of what is going on with me.

I went back to the MHC & am back on meds.  I am taking lamotrigine, a mood stabilizer, & we are still playing with the dose.  I’m feeling pretty good these days.  Not great & happy & like I could crap a rainbow, but better than I was feeling.  I also have something for anxiety that I keep by the bed.  I haven’t had to take it very often, but it helps knowing it’s there.  Pretty much I’ve only taken it on those nights I can’t sleep because my brain is running in circles reliving all the things I’ve done wrong in my life & I can feel things spiraling in a nasty way.  That never ends in a good place.

Going back to the MHC was not an easy decision, but when I realized there were no other realistic options in this area, I had to.  I had gotten myself to a pretty good place already, so I was able to just take a few deep breaths & know that what they did before was wrong, but for myself I had to let that go & move forward.  I can’t let anger & bitterness hold me back from getting the help I know I need.

I did start bingeing (that doesn’t look right to me, but spellcheck assures me it is correct) again a few months ago.  Not bad, but enough.  I have put back on maybe 12lbs, but that’s okay.  I had to quit Weight Watchers because finances are extra tight right now & I just can’t justify it when I have had to take on a greater financial responsibility at home.

I am running again.  I had another depressive episode & stopped.  It took a while after I got to feeling better, but this week I got back out there.  I am really enjoying it.  Surprisingly I have maintained a lot of the progress I had made.  I’m not doing anything formal just going out & running when I feel like & walking when I don’t.  And stretching of course.

I have decided this year I am going to focus on my mental health & on running.  That’s it.  I’m not going to worry about my eating.  I will be keeping my mind on healthful eating, but I have realized eating is my comfort.  I think until I get my mind settled & can either better cope with what is going on in my life or have a life with less to cope with trying to quit emotional eating is like trying to quit smoking during a divorce.  It’s a bad idea that has little chance of success, & a better chance of making you feel like failure.  I have enough in my life to feel like a failure over.  Besides, I find when I’m more active & enjoying it I naturally eat less & eat better.

Anyhoo, that’s what is going on with me.  I’m going to be changing some things up around here.  I will probably still do progress photos, but not tracking my weight & measurements.  I’m not going to worry about my weight anymore, but on how I feel & how my body feels.  Photos will be a nice way to keep up on how my body might be changing, plus how genuinely happy I look along the way.

I will also be adding a page for “races”.  I plan to do some 5Ks this year.  This will probably mean trying to get sponsorship for them or making some sales on my handmade items.  I finally have my Etsy shop up, so hopefully I can use that to help out.

Hope this finds all of you doing well!

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Author: despitemyself

A person in flux.

2 thoughts on “So It’s A New Year

  1. You are doing great! I find that I am most successful when I focus on one thing at a time. So focusing on mental health and running is a good idea. Food will fall into place, and running will help your mental health too. I’m proud of you!

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