My Year To Thrive

"My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style." ~Maya Angelou

An Observation


I think one of the hardest things about clinical depression, as opposed to situational depression, is the discord between what you feel & what you know.  I know that there are people who love me & would be sad if I stopped living, but in my dark times I am unable to feel that no matter how much I try to remind myself.  No amount of rationalizing or remembering or looking at pictures can stop the endless sense of being alone & unloved, uncared about.  It’s a horrible feeling.


Author: despitemyself

A person in flux.

5 thoughts on “An Observation

  1. *hugs*

    The hardest part, I feel, is that the people who really care about you who don’t understand that one cannot just punch through the depression. If I could just make myself feel better, don’t you think I would, you know?

    Anyway, I had more thoughtful insights circulating my brain, but they got lost.

    • Too true, & depression is one of those things you can’t ever fully understand until you have been through. Some people think because they go sad that one time when their dog died & got over in a few days, well why the hell can’t you just stop being sad, too? Let’s buy a puppy & you’ll feel all better! Okay, how about some ice cream, too? A kitten? New shoes??

  2. Pingback: Late in 2012 « A Martian's Love

  3. So true… I was just talking to my sister last week (she has suffered from depression her whole life and has attempted suicide multiple times and committed herself & had shock therapy 8 years ago) and I asked her if having her daughter now made it any “easier” to not want to die and she said basically what you are saying… that unfortunately when you feel that bad, it doesn’t matter how many close relationships you have or reasons to live… those positive thoughts just don’t break through. It is a horrible feeling.

    • I’m sorry about your sister:(

      It is a lot like drowning, being caught in a rip tide. No matter how well you have learned to swim, it just carelessly pulls you down.

      That is what scares me about having children. I know how it was with my own mother, & I would never want to make a child feel the way I did. Plus, my issue is very hereditary & it seems like the most loving thing I can do is not pass this on.

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