My Year To Thrive

"My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style." ~Maya Angelou


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“If you have a setback, and you’re not doing well and then you overcome it somehow, it always sticks with you. You know it could happen again”
~Sam Donaldson (Brainy Quotes)

GRR This is my angry face

More sullen, less cute, & you’ve almost got it.

So I went fifteen days of maintaining my habits, & then hit a little bump in the road.  I’m getting it back on track today though.

The funny thing is, it started Wednesday, when I saw the psych nurse.  I told her all about it & how things have been going, & she decided I was doing so well she was going to leave my meds where they are for another couple of months & see how things are going then.

It was a pretty good day, till I got home.  My dad was sick, so he was already in for the day sitting on the couch watching tv.  For some reason this pissed me right off.  I went straight to my room without even speaking to him or looking at him.  I like staying in my room & pretending he doesn’t exist & I don’t actually live in this shit hole.

I had bought a pizza on my way home, & when I saw he was home, I wouldn’t even bring it in the house.  I left it in the car for a few hours till I realized he wasn’t going anywhere, so I brought it inside.  Thankfully he could tell I was in no mood, so he didn’t speak to me or ask many any questions.  I had expected him to say something idiotic like “Did you bring home a pizza?”  Fuck yeah, it’s a pizza. What the hell else does it look like? A new couch??

So that continued for a few days.  Technically it is still continuing.  I was feeling pretty good today till I heard him come home & suddenly I felt dark again.  But I have laid in bed for three days doing nothing of merit & I really need to pull myself out of this slump.

Clearly I am having some mania issues, because despite knowing I need to not be spending my money, I stayed up all night & made a 4am Walmart run.  I needed something for my acid reflux & decided buy something for each of my three habits to encourage me back on track.  I went a teensy bit overboard though.  Oops!  Irritability for no clear reason, plotting the doom of others & myself, & spending money I don’t have.  Yep, it’s hypomania.  I miss the manic episodes where I became the exuberant party girl who stayed up for days & danced around naked.  Where did she go??

I bought a rug for the kitchen, mini bobby pins, a scrub & moisturizer for my feet, spa socks, stay-grip ponytail holders, face cleanser & a mask, & assorted other items.  All totaled I spent $40 I didn’t really have, but it made me happy…  Can we really argue with happiness?  And so ends my budget for March 2012.  At least I have plenty of rice to eat for the rest of the month!

So here is what I plan to do today:

  • Shower
  • Go for a walk
  • Wash dishes
  • Put down the new rug I bought for the kitchen
  • Clean the litter box
  • Put away my pile of clean laundry & the stuff still languishing in the dryer…
  • Make rice pudding
  • Blog post about being angry & off track

Author: despitemyself

A person in flux.

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