“If you have a setback, and you’re not doing well and then you overcome it somehow, it always sticks with you. You know it could happen again”
~Sam Donaldson (Brainy Quotes)
So I went fifteen days of maintaining my habits, & then hit a little bump in the road. I’m getting it back on track today though.
The funny thing is, it started Wednesday, when I saw the psych nurse. I told her all about it & how things have been going, & she decided I was doing so well she was going to leave my meds where they are for another couple of months & see how things are going then.
It was a pretty good day, till I got home. My dad was sick, so he was already in for the day sitting on the couch watching tv. For some reason this pissed me right off. I went straight to my room without even speaking to him or looking at him. I like staying in my room & pretending he doesn’t exist & I don’t actually live in this shit hole.
I had bought a pizza on my way home, & when I saw he was home, I wouldn’t even bring it in the house. I left it in the car for a few hours till I realized he wasn’t going anywhere, so I brought it inside. Thankfully he could tell I was in no mood, so he didn’t speak to me or ask many any questions. I had expected him to say something idiotic like “Did you bring home a pizza?” Fuck yeah, it’s a pizza. What the hell else does it look like? A new couch??
So that continued for a few days. Technically it is still continuing. I was feeling pretty good today till I heard him come home & suddenly I felt dark again. But I have laid in bed for three days doing nothing of merit & I really need to pull myself out of this slump.
Clearly I am having some mania issues, because despite knowing I need to not be spending my money, I stayed up all night & made a 4am Walmart run. I needed something for my acid reflux & decided buy something for each of my three habits to encourage me back on track. I went a teensy bit overboard though. Oops! Irritability for no clear reason, plotting the doom of others & myself, & spending money I don’t have. Yep, it’s hypomania. I miss the manic episodes where I became the exuberant party girl who stayed up for days & danced around naked. Where did she go??
I bought a rug for the kitchen, mini bobby pins, a scrub & moisturizer for my feet, spa socks, stay-grip ponytail holders, face cleanser & a mask, & assorted other items. All totaled I spent $40 I didn’t really have, but it made me happy… Can we really argue with happiness? And so ends my budget for March 2012. At least I have plenty of rice to eat for the rest of the month!
So here is what I plan to do today:
- Go for a walk
- Wash dishes
- Put down the new rug I bought for the kitchen
- Clean the litter box
- Put away my pile of clean laundry & the stuff still languishing in the dryer…
- Make rice pudding
Blog post about being angry & off track