My Year To Thrive

"My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style." ~Maya Angelou

Meh. But I Got A Bike


Every time I see an adult on a bicycle I no longer despair for the future of the human race.

-H.G. Wells (Bicycling Quotations)

18 speed mountain bike I got from Freecycle, the day I got it

Needs a little TLC & a few new parts.  Time to learn new stuff!

I got a bike!  I have wanted one for a while, & even posted about it in one of my earliest posts on this blog.  I haven’t wanted to invest the money in one though, especially for a decent one, because the last time I got a bike – about 7yrs ago – I rode it once, then it sat on the back porch till it started to rust & I gave it away.  Plus, the country roads I live on are not safe for biking or walking because there are ditches instead of shoulders, & idiots fly over hills & around curves without ever considering there might be someone or something ahead.  It’s dangerous enough in a car.  I finally decided to put a request out on the local Freecycle group, & see if I can get a fixer-upper laying around in somebody’s garage.   I was doubtful I would hear anything, but the next day I heard from a woman nearby who is sending her youngest kid off to college this fall, so she has several old bikes laying around no one has rode in years.  SCORE!  (Fun fact: I gave my last bike away to a woman from the Freecycle group I was in at the time.  I loved that group.  One of the main guys had a flea market, so we had a pick-up & drop-off spot which was nice.  We took turns volunteering on the weekends & it was very social.  We even had a social group that went out once a month.)

I’m really excited about my bike & a new project.  I don’t know diddly about bike repairs or gears, so I’ve spent the day researching.  The body & paint are in good shape, but since I have to take it all apart to clean & exam it I think I’m going to paint it.  I have had a few ideas, but I’m leaning towards wide yellow & white stripes on the bar with black pinstripes between them, & dark green for the forks.  The design is built around a crocodile in a top hat bike horn I found.

Crocodile in a top hate bike horn

 Oh yeah.

Beyond that, everything is meh.  I haven’t run since last Monday.  I did my mile, but blew the negative split I was trying to do.  Granted it was in a not too bad way, since I ran way too fast the first lap.  I have been doing the first lap (1/2mi) at 9mins & some seconds.  Last Monday I did the first lap, the one I was supposed to do at my usual pace & take the 2nd lap a little faster, I ran it in 8:14.  Yeah, I did not top that in my 2nd lap.  I took another minute to finish the 2nd one, which I still felt pretty good about since that was my usual pace & the way I felt after the first lap I was lucky not to crawl through the 2nd one.  I blame it on the storm that was rolling in, so I had been moving furniture around in the living room all day & then had to rush to get out there before the weather got bad, then I all hopped on being in a hurry & I can’t turn that off.  It feels like being on cocaine, & last way beyond whatever it was that I got in a hurry about.

It went downhill from there because I went to a friend’s for the 4th Wednesday & spent the night.  I had planned on getting my run in that morning before I left, but I just couldn’t get up & after I did get up I couldn’t get myself going.  I really didn’t even want to go out at all.  I had been feeling manic, & had (have) been having trouble sleeping at night so I had stayed up until the sun was coming up.  I also knew mentally I was not in a great place for being social.  It’s not a conscious thing, but I have learned over the years when I have that feeling of not wanting to go out it is best to respect that.  But I know Lisa well enough to feel okay going even if I know I might have some issues.  And I did.  I had a major anxiety attack, minor freak out, but I talked to Lisa about how I was feeling & took half a buspirone.  I probably would have done better with a whole one, but sometimes that’s too much for my system.  I rarely take more than half.  That went well enough, but then when I went to bed I started to panic wanting to go home & be in my own space.  That is unusual for me.  I’m so far away from my friends here I usually do stay the night or weekend when I get to visit.  So that was fun, but I did stay.

Since then I just haven’t gotten back on track.  I’ve even gotten dressed & just never made it out the door.  It’s been in the 80’s this week too, though it’s been rainy but not too much & I’ve run in the rain before.  I’m planning on moving to Portland next year, there’s no room to be squeamish about the rain there.  I’m still having sleep issues, but otherwise my mania has given way to a general lack of motivation to do anything.  I almost went back to bed today & would have skipped getting my bike.  I’m going to shoot for getting back out there today, & hopefully having talked about here will help me get my tuckus going.  Even if I just go for a walk, I just need to get back out there.  I’m a creature of habit, so it always knocks me for a loop when my routine is interrupted, but so far with running I have always gotten back out there eventually.  It might take weeks or even months, but I always get back out there.

Another factor is I jinxed myself.  I have wanted an mp3 player separate from my cell phone for a while but haven’t wanted to spend the money.  My phone has a 2.5mm headphone jack, which makes it harder to find ear buds, not to mention there seems to be a short in the jack of some sort, playlists can’t be synced from the computer & they’re a PITA to make on the phone, & probably the most annoying thing was every time I got a text or call it stopped the music until I addressed the issue.  Either answer/check it, or clear the notice off the screen.  It sucks to be out for a run & not be able to just completely ignore calls & texts.  I got an Amazon gift card for a study I did, so I decided an mp3 player would be the perfect use of the card.  After a good bit of pinning & pondering I went with the Sansa Clip Zip in orange.  Not only do I get the music benefits, it’s great for making voice notes while I’m walking & it has a lap timer.  That is another something I’ve been wanting to get.  Now I have one for less that I would have spent to get a watch with it.  Hurray!  But I digress.  The reason I call it a “jinx” is because it seems like whenever I make an investment in something I’ve been doing I stop doing it >_<  Just for running, the last two times I have bought new running shoes I quit running after wearing them once.  I used to hike with a friend, & after he bought me some shoes for hiking we never went hiking again.  So now I finally get the mp3 player I have longed for so long, & I can’t get motivated to go running.  Though I just got it Tuesday, so there’s still time.  The arm band I ordered with it hasn’t even come in yet. 

My orange Sansa Clip Zip

It’s so delightfully tiny.

My next psych visit is Friday, so we shall see what happens with the meds.  Until the last week or so I’ve been doing pretty good since my last visit, so I don’t know if she’ll leave it or tweak it.  I haven’t been too bad this, just weird, anxious, some agitation, sleep problems, & feeling so unmotivated & just wanting to stay in bed.  I haven’t been staying in bed though, so yay me, but last week it was entirely because I have no air in my room so it’s too hot.  I did stay in bed as late as I could though.

Okay, I guess that’s enough rambling.  I should be in bed, but I wanted to post about my bike!  & about being unmotivated to go running.  Blogging about things tends to help me get my motivation going, but probably because it takes motivation to blog so it just builds on itself.  If you read the whole thing, go you!  If you actually understood it all, you’re magic.  If not, no worries.  I don’t even want to go back & read what I just wrote.


Author: despitemyself

A person in flux.

3 thoughts on “Meh. But I Got A Bike

  1. Pingback: 21 DIY Gym Equipment Projects to Make at Home | Greatist « My Year To Thrive

  2. I’m so with you on the lack of motivation. Thats one of my biggest issues. I’m excited for you about your bike. I have one now too. I haven’t ridden every day by a long shot. With the heart condition, I have to respect my limits. But I’m sending you plenty of git-up-n-go mojo.

    • Yay! Thanks:D I have decided today probably isn’t the day I get back out there, & it’s raining again so it definitely isn’t the day I’m going to be out there working on the bike, but tomorrow will be better. It will put me back on my MWF schedule, plus I have my psych appt & I will need to refill my meds, so I’ll already be out & about, & feeling productive. My appt is in the afternoon, so as cool as it has been all week (the 80’s! After the triple digits we had, it’s practically winter) it will be the perfect time to go out after. Plus, it’s in another town, so it will a nice chance to run somewhere new. Though, that might be pushing it. New might make me nervous.

      And hurray for respecting limits! We have to pace ourselves if we want to be able over the long haul.

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