My Year To Thrive

"My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style." ~Maya Angelou

Adventures In Birth Control Pills & Bipolar Disorder

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It is easy to fly into a passion – anybody can do that – but to be angry with the right person to the right extent & at the right time with the right object & in the right way – that is not easy, & it is not everyone who can do it.
~Aristotle (Think Exist)

 

Lumpy Space Princess from Adventure Time yelling

Lumpy Space rage!
(This came from my hard drive, & all I know is it’s from tumblr, & of course Cartoon Network.)

This post has taken me a while to write.  I found out on Friday of last week my pills need to be switched, & spent the weekend researching the issue, but all I found was nothing but a lot women asking the same questions with no answers except from other women with the same questions or some personal insights; very frustrating.  I called my GP’s regular office on Monday, only to be told I had to come in for an appointment, my med change couldn’t be done over the phone – this was by the lady who answers the phone not a nurse, she wouldn’t let me even leave a message.  Needless to say I was too pissed to write about it that day, plus I wanted to wait till I went to her other office the next day where I knew it would just be my doctor & a nurse.  So I started writing this on Tuesday but couldn’t finish it because my brain quit working.  I guess all my anger from Monday & anxiety on Tuesday tripped a switch because I slipped into no energy mode for a few days with random bouts of suddenly-I-can’t-keep-my-eyes-open super tiredness.  But anyhoo, here it is, re-written to catch up to the later date.  Sorry if I don’t get everything perfectly updated & it reads clunky.

I have mentioned I’ve been having some crazy manic mixed episode type of thing going on the last few weeks.  I’ve had all sorts of moods & rapid cycling, but I can’t recall having ever experienced anything of this sort.  Friday I had my psych appointment & I took my pills with me so she could record some new supplements (I got some more melatonin & want to try a niacin supplement) & the birth control pill I started taking about 6wks ago.  The first month on the pill was mostly fine.  I felt a little nauseous & a bit of normal feeling PMS moodiness, but I guess it really got into my system this month because things have been crazy.

I was already telling her how I have been feeling, so when she saw the pills her first reaction was “This is it.”  I have been taking a triphasic pill where the hormone levels shift throughout the month.  Apparently this is a big no-no for the Bipolar crowd, so she wanted me to switch to a monophasic that would  keep the hormone levels steady.  Simple enough.  She wants me back in a month, I usually just go every 6-8wks depending on how things are going.  What’s been going on must have been worse than I realized, because she was very concerned & sent me out the door promising I would call her if things got any worse & she would work me in sooner.

Friday I was too anxious so I put off making the call.  You know I hate phone calls, even personal ones.  But I did go running for the first time since the Monday before, so that was good.  As I mentioned earlier I spent the weekend researching the issue to no avail.  After the swift surety of my psych’s assertion it was the triphasic pills & those were a big no-no for bipolars I thought for sure I’d find something about the issue online, but alas it must be a secret the psychiatric community holds close to the vest.

I’ve also covered Monday, but because I can here is the message I sent to a friend when I got off the phone, with a few edits for privacy (& yeah there is some very coarse language used liberally throughout):

i call bullshit. i just saw the dr. less than 2mos ago & got her to give me bc pills. trust me, she did not put a lot of stock in which ones she prescribed me. the triphasics she gave me have caused my bipolar disorder to go off the chain, so i was told to have her switch me to a monophasic. i just called the office & the bitch at the front desk told me i would have to be seen again to make that change.

bull-fucking-shit. there is absolutely no fucking reason the dr can’t just pick something based on my records & call it in. drs do it all the fucking time. i know i’m not going back for another office visit for this.

and my angry mind has now reminded me that this same idiot is the reason i am still paying on a $99 visit charge to the dr because she is the dumbass who insisted to me, multiple times, to get my initial physical i would have to come in to their walk-in office, so i went & sat there all day waiting to be walked in & when i got back there the dr informed me they only do physicals at their regular office & they are by appt only. so she checked out my sinus infection & since i hadn’t met my deductible yet i get a full price bill. on a visit that should have been free but this bitch doesn’t know what she’s talking about.

i think i’ll wait & go to the office tomorrow when dr. a*** will be there & talk to somebody. i truly 100% believe this is bullshit. and if she won’t change my pill w/o an unnecessary office visit i will cancel my scheduled f-u & find a gynecologist, which i should have just done in the first place but that would mean going out of town & finding a new person to jab their hand up my privates & i don’t even know if there is a woman ob/gyn here, & that is a deal breaker for me.

man, i’ve been psyching myself up to have a good day & even woke up a little early & now she’s got me mad. i had hoped getting my phone calls over early would be freeing.  -_- stupid cunt.

So I had to be all grown up Tuesday & it was awful.  The “confrontation” went well, very non-dramatic, but it still put my anxiety through the roof & frankly 14hrs later I was still talking to myself, blowing it up as I rehashed it, & feeling this overwhelming sense of guilt.  I felt like I was a tattle-tale & got the phone lady in trouble, plus I didn’t know her name & just called her “the really big lady with the little black hair” when I was asked which of the ladies who answers the phone it was, & I felt like I was hurting my doctor’s feelings by saying I need my pill changed, especially since she didn’t want me on them in the first place, but I insisted.  I even took one of my anxiety pills after & ate something I’m not going to admit to.  Y’all don’t need to know everything.  And I took a nap.  I absolutely hate confrontation, even when it’s not so much a confrontation as just making a request & relating an issue.  Despite my mania’s desire to burst in guns a blazing & burn the place down figuratively if not literally, I handled myself very quietly & politely.  Which is good, because when I was rehearsing it in the shower the night before my scenarios kept ending with me either being arrested or at the very least removed as a patient (which has happened to me before.  oops).

Not all doctors & their staff are equipped to deal with the mentally ill patient, especially one who is currently manic or mixed or wtf ever.  As a Medical Social Worker I had to deal with patients in a variety of states, so I know it isn’t always easy & takes a level of comfort, I guess that’s the best word I can think of, with mental illness.  Sometimes people can be scary, especially when they need something you can’t give them.  Unfortunately for my more manipulative clients, I had a lifetime of experience dealing with people like them so I wasn’t easy to get around.  Unless of course you called my Director to complain, because he was a weak-willed ninny who would give them whatever they wanted to just to shut them up – & thus reinforcing the cycle I was trying to break.  But I digress, as usual.

But eezy peezy, my doctor called in a monophasic & I got it a few days ago.  I was almost to the blanks on this month’s so I finished those out & I’ll start the new pack Friday.  I know all the crazy was in my head & no one got their feelings hurt, except maybe the phone lady if she’s sensitive.  I’ve been feeling better the last few days anyway, so maybe things will pick up.  I certainly hope I don’t have any problems with these pills because I honestly don’t think I can go through that again.  I’d probably just quit taking them.  All I want is to be normal & shed my uterine lining like all the other big girls.  Is that so much to ask???

So there you have it.  To review:

  • I went crazy.
  • Google was disappointing.
  • I got pissed off.
  • I went running.
  • I dealt with my problem like an adult.
  • I felt endlessly guilty & anxious about it, took a pill & ate what amounted to a jar of sugar.
  • I got more pills.
  • I continue to hope for the best.
  • Oh, & then I went running again but that’s another post because it made me cry.

 

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Author: despitemyself

A person in flux.

8 thoughts on “Adventures In Birth Control Pills & Bipolar Disorder

  1. my daughter has bipolar and was recently put on 2 different monophasic bcp, her anger and irratability have increased with both of them not to mention her period still isnt on schedule… i think i am going to take her off of them.. i thought maybe it was just in my head but last night she became violent and that sealed the deal for me. i wish there was more research done on this subject. thank you for your information.

  2. I am going through this at the moment.
    Doctors can be such condescending MOFOS !
    Implanon = worst thing ever.
    Getting it removed today and hopefully the doctor will let me have a go with a monophasic pill.
    Trying to be responsible and not breed here people !

  3. Thank you for this post. I know it is a bit old but I was back to researching (happens ever time I swing out of a depression) and this time I went back to researching hormones because the past few years I swing up almost every time I get my period and head down mid cycle.

    When I was younger I took tricyclics and they made me a mixed state mess. That was way before I knew I was bipolar back in the 80’s. How could this not be general knowledge by now???
    Have you noticed any stabilization with the birth control pills? I apologize if it is later in your blog…

    • No apology needed. Sorry it has taken me so long to reply! I don’t know if it’s because of the bcp, because I’m on meds for mental health as well, but I have been doing much better. Definitely switching from the tricyclic to the mono made a huge difference.

  4. Hi! I just came across your post – thanks for sharing. I have bi-polar 2 and am looking into birth control pill options. Are you still taking a pill? How is/ was a monophasic? Thanks!!

    • Thank you & you’re welcome. 🙂

      Yes, I am still taking bcp. The monophasic works just fine for me. Last summer I tried a method where I only took a single hormone pill ten days out of the month, but that also went horribly wrong. Only the consistent hormones throughout the month works for my mood swings.

      Hope that helps. Good luck!

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