The strong man is the one who is able to intercept at will the communication between the senses and the mind.
~Napoleon Bonaparte (Brainy Quotes)
I had something amazing happen the other day. I read a comment made on a picture I posted to tumblr that was a bit negative, but more about the preference of the person commenting than I think directed at me. It flew all over me, tied my stomach in knots, & turned what had been a good productive day into just wanting to crawl under the covers & give up.
After sitting on these feelings for a bit I messaged a friend of mine.
ugh i hate those anxious moods where every piddly thing feels like a personal attack on me. ruins my whole day because someone says something totally stupid.
…you know how those days are when every.fucking.thing. feels intensely personal & you take everything the worst possible way.
so i was going along having a good day & then WHAM! i just wanted to crawl under the covers & give up for today.
When I posted it I realized I have had these feelings for years & never been able to tell anyone how I was feeling. It was just trapped eating away inside me, ruining so many days over stupid shit. Hurray for emotional growth!
So here was my last message about it:
at least it’s good to be able to put what i’m feeling into words instead of letting it eat me alive because i don’t even know how to tell anyone what is going on.
Being able to tell someone how you are feeling is like an exorcism; not being able to talk about how you are feeling is like having that demon gnawing away at your soul with no relief. I am really proud of all the work I have put into myself & the progress I have made. I just wish I hadn’t been kicked out of the MHC. I still haven’t found out why – no call as promised & no letter. Thank goodness I had a refill left on my meds so I didn’t have to go into crisis mode.