My Year To Thrive

"My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style." ~Maya Angelou

Finding The Words For My Feelings


The strong man is the one who is able to intercept at will the communication between the senses and the mind.
~Napoleon Bonaparte (Brainy Quotes)

A fluffy gray kitten lying on a pillow & snuggled under a towel sleeping.

What I usually look like after my feelings have been hurt.

I had something amazing happen the other day.  I read a comment made on a picture I posted to tumblr that was a bit negative, but more about the preference of the person commenting than I think directed at me.  It flew all over me, tied my stomach in knots, & turned what had been a good productive day into just wanting to crawl under the covers & give up.

After sitting on these feelings for a bit I messaged a friend of mine.

ugh i hate those anxious moods where every piddly thing feels like a personal attack on me. ruins my whole day because someone says something totally stupid.

…you know how those days are when every.fucking.thing. feels intensely personal & you take everything the worst possible way.

so i was going along having a good day & then WHAM! i just wanted to crawl under the covers & give up for today.

When I posted it I realized I have had these feelings for years & never been able to tell anyone how I was feeling.  It was just trapped eating away inside me, ruining so many days over stupid shit.  Hurray for emotional growth!

So here was my last message about it:

at least it’s good to be able to put what i’m feeling into words instead of letting it eat me alive because i don’t even know how to tell anyone what is going on.

Being able to tell someone how you are feeling is like an exorcism; not being able to talk about how you are feeling is like having that demon gnawing away at your soul with no relief.  I am really proud of all the work I have put into myself & the progress I have made.  I just wish I hadn’t been kicked out of the MHC.  I still haven’t found out why – no call as promised & no letter.  Thank goodness I had a refill left on my meds so I didn’t have to go into crisis mode.


Author: despitemyself

A person in flux.

4 thoughts on “Finding The Words For My Feelings

  1. Thanks for writing this. I am struggling with a lot of the same myself. It helps to hear someone else sound off about it.

  2. GRR! I meant I hope I don’t ever *MAKE YOU* feel that way. derp.

  3. I hope I don’t ever feel that way. I understand exactly what you’re talking about and I am always willing to listen and support. ❤

    • Never! If you did I would tell you, if I felt like it had any merit. But some days you could just say “hello” & it would be taken the wrong way & sullenly over-analyzed for hours, maybe days depending on how deep I am.

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