My Year To Thrive

"My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style." ~Maya Angelou

Perfectionism, Stress, & Routines

1 Comment

When you aim for perfection, you discover it’s a moving target.
~George Fisher (Quote Garden)

My writing area

This is where the magic happens. Now that I have my own place I finally have room for a writing area! The white binder with a couple of notebooks on top of it is the never-ending novel. I have decided this will be the year I finally finish revising & editing, & let it go. Seriously. I’m going to do it!

I wrote a couple of years ago about things I was letting fear hold me back from. So far, I’ve had a job, started dating & had a boyfriend — even if he turned out to be shitty, moved to a larger city, I’ve become more social & made a lot of new friends, & I’ve started checking out the comedy scene here & working on a set.  Now, I have my own apartment! 😀

Like a lot of big life changes, even positive ones, it can be stressful. I’m really happy with my decision, but it is a major step, especially financially.  I am working with vocational rehab though to go back to work; a long-term job, not something seasonal.

I have been developing routines to deal with my stress.  I realized tonight my routine is growing & at risk of becoming overwhelming.  I am so afraid of getting this wrong, of ending up back with my dad or living with someone else.  I am so afraid of being a bad person.  I am so afraid of not taking good care of my dog.  I am afraid of being a nasty slob.

So far I have to wash the dishes, clean the counters & the sink out with Lysol, clean the stove (even if I haven’t cooked), sweep the kitchen, put away the dog’s toys, brush my own teeth with a two step system, floss, gargle, wash my face & moisturize, brush the dog’s teeth — tonight I decided I need to brush his tongue too, & make sure he goes out before bed. In reality, it isn’t that much; certainly not an unreasonable list.  However, the perfectionist in me feels like I have to do all of this & it has to be done the right way.  And it has to be done every night.  I worry I will be overwhelmed or too tired, & skip it one night. Then I will be a failure & I’ll stop doing any of it. 😦  So I worry about that, which makes the whole thing even more stressful.

The puppy has displayed his stress over moving by peeing & pooping all over the new carpeting here. :-/  He also became less playful & was eating less.  It’s been almost two weeks now, & he has finally gotten back to his old self.  Hopefully, I’ll settle in soon & stop worrying as much.  If I don’t brush my teeth one night they will not fall out.  Not for a while anyway.

frozen foods stacked

Here is my freezer. I don’t cook much & I’m broke from moving, so it isn’t very healthy (Kroger had Banquet pot pies on sale for 59¢ each). But look how neatly everything is stacked! Everything is organized by type & multiples are grouped together. The boxes all have to be turned in the same direction. I straightened the one out of place after this photo. I love looking in my freezer & seeing how neat it is. It makes me feel calm because everything in there is in perfect order, that means I am a good person & everything is going to be okay.

Puppy! In his doggy blanket with his then-favorite squeaky monkey toy.

This is my puppy. He was only 2mos old in this picture – it was his first visit to the vet! He’s almost 6mos old now. He forces me to get outside & walk around, see the neighbors. He’s very cute, & I love to make him clothes, so we get a lot of attention when we go out. His photo (our photo, but you didn’t see my full face) was on state & local news sites when I made him a rainbow tuxedo in support of gay marriage. I have had to get used to the attention & talking to lots of new people.

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Author: despitemyself

A person in flux.

One thought on “Perfectionism, Stress, & Routines

  1. Very sweet puppy! Good luck with your routine!

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