When you aim for perfection, you discover it’s a moving target.
~George Fisher (Quote Garden)
I wrote a couple of years ago about things I was letting fear hold me back from. So far, I’ve had a job, started dating & had a boyfriend — even if he turned out to be shitty, moved to a larger city, I’ve become more social & made a lot of new friends, & I’ve started checking out the comedy scene here & working on a set. Now, I have my own apartment! 😀
Like a lot of big life changes, even positive ones, it can be stressful. I’m really happy with my decision, but it is a major step, especially financially. I am working with vocational rehab though to go back to work; a long-term job, not something seasonal.
I have been developing routines to deal with my stress. I realized tonight my routine is growing & at risk of becoming overwhelming. I am so afraid of getting this wrong, of ending up back with my dad or living with someone else. I am so afraid of being a bad person. I am so afraid of not taking good care of my dog. I am afraid of being a nasty slob.
So far I have to wash the dishes, clean the counters & the sink out with Lysol, clean the stove (even if I haven’t cooked), sweep the kitchen, put away the dog’s toys, brush my own teeth with a two step system, floss, gargle, wash my face & moisturize, brush the dog’s teeth — tonight I decided I need to brush his tongue too, & make sure he goes out before bed. In reality, it isn’t that much; certainly not an unreasonable list. However, the perfectionist in me feels like I have to do all of this & it has to be done the right way. And it has to be done every night. I worry I will be overwhelmed or too tired, & skip it one night. Then I will be a failure & I’ll stop doing any of it. 😦 So I worry about that, which makes the whole thing even more stressful.
The puppy has displayed his stress over moving by peeing & pooping all over the new carpeting here. He also became less playful & was eating less. It’s been almost two weeks now, & he has finally gotten back to his old self. Hopefully, I’ll settle in soon & stop worrying as much. If I don’t brush my teeth one night they will not fall out. Not for a while anyway.