*Perpetually Under Construction*
“My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style”
I’m bipolar. One of the first things you’ll notice about my blog is so is it. This is a mental health blog, a running blog that cross trains, a Health At Every Size Blog. It’s a blog about me. It follows my moods & mental state. I have angry posts, depressed posts, hopeful posts. I also have a lot of missing posts. I can go MIA for weeks, even months, at a time. That’s the nature of things I’m afraid. I try to post regularly, but one of my firmest rules about blogging is it will not become another source of stress & one more reason to feel like a failure. That is the antithesis of why I started this blog.
I am sarcastic. I think I’m funny. I do cuss & fuck is my favorite word. I write the way I speak, so it’s a mix of educated & the casual dialect of the rural south. I like to punch up my posts with pictures & quotes. I have started hosting guest bloggers & have guest blogged for others. (If you are interested in either of those arrangements, check out my Contact page.)
If you want to know about the events that have shaped my life, you can read a history of me here.
I started this blog while I was doing a certain big name weight loss plan for the third time, which you will see if you go back to the earlier posts. That has changed, but I left those posts as a record of where I was then. I have PCOS which makes it difficult to lose weight & very easy to gain it (more so than it is anyway). So, while I did lose weight I lost it at a discouragingly slow rate compared to the other women following the plan. Trying to hit my weekly goal, I had to eat the minimum of my points to see a loss. My meetings were in the evening, so I started not eating all day before the meeting. Then it stretched into further restricting what I ate the day before the meeting & then the day before that, I knew this was not healthy for me. Not to mention it usually left my to week to work on my fledgling running habit. I decided I needed a new approach, something that would encourage me to keep moving without attaching it to the numbers on a scale. Something that didn’t leave me feeling like a failure most weeks, even when I was doing everything they told me to. I gained some weight back at first, but then I lost that & more. I seem to have stabilized at this point.
Habit building a big issue with me because I suck at it. I do try though! I have a great deal of anxieties, so you’ll see a lot of posts about fear & anxiety. I have blog about goals, major life goals & small daily habits, I am working towards.
My current meds
(because I know “what are you taking?” is a big deal in the world of mental & physical health problems)
lamotrigine 300mg QD (generic Lamictal) – Bipolar Disorder, mood stabilizer
buspirone 15mg TID (generic Buspar) – Anxiety, OCD, anti-anxiety med
buproprion XL (generic Wellbutrin) 300mg QD- Depression, anti-depressant
bcp – PCOS, regulate my menstrual cycle
metformine HCL 500mg BID – PCOS, insulin sensitivity
montelukast 10mg QD – allergies
fluticasone proprionate (generic Flonase) QD – nasal spray for sinus stuff
fish/flaxseed/borage oil, omega 3/6/9 capsules
loratadine 10mg (generic Claritin)
Similasan allergy eye drops
Inspired by the quote from Maya Angelou, I have decided 2011 is my year to thrive. I have set several goals for me this year. Not all complicated & involved, but all important & doable. One of them is to write something every day, so a blog to talk about some of the other things I’m working on seemed like a win-win. But as with many people, I am always tripping myself up, which is why I took the name despitemyself to work on this blog. (Some of the stuff I plan to discuss will be a little personal, so I have chosen not to use my real name just because I feel a bit more comfortable using a nom de blog.)