My Year To Thrive

"My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style." ~Maya Angelou


Beating Myself Up: Am I Too Weak Or Lazy Or Uncaring?

“We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.”
~Kenji Miyazawa
(Quote Garden)

MySpace Sympathy Graphics

Okay, I’m still working on transcribing the blog post I recorded during my walk yesterday.  But I needed to get this out because it’s eating me alive.

The father of my older brother & sister died the other day.  His visitation was Wednesday & his funeral was Thursday morning.  I did not go to either one.  He was my mother’s first husband, & I hardly knew him, but I wanted to go for them. Continue reading



Thoughts On Weight Watchers & Other Random Things

“You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”
~Eleanor Roosevelt

Everyday People Insomnia cartoon #372: "It's unfortunate that all my best thinking happens after midnight."

First Thursday of the month is a long one for me, as I have my NAMI meeting early afternoon a half hour away, then visit my aunt, then Weight Watchers.  Today I picked up dinner & went for a walk/run between my aunt’s & Weight Watchers.  So here I am after midnight just getting to my Thursday Things post.  So I am going to give you a list of some things I thought about today.

For starters, I maintained this week; no weight loss or gain.  Considering the week I had I’m calling that a success!  I’ll go into that more tomorrow when I’ve had time to run the numbers for February & get my update measurements & progress pics.  Since I didn’t do them last month till mid-February doubt they’ll be much difference, but need to get straight with it.

While waiting in line at for weigh-in, I had time to consider some things.  Continue reading


And Now Back To Our Regularly Scheduled Postings

“The reason one writes isn’t the fact he wants to say something. He writes because he has something to say.”
~F. Scott Fitzgerald~

LOLcat too cool for rage


First, let me just open by saying I hate noisy eaters.  I disgusts me to have to listen to it.  Whether it’s smacking, grunting, or those diners who ooh, ah, & moan over their food so much it’s no surprise when they need a cigarette after their meal, I can’t stand it.  Okay, now that I’ve gotten that pet peeve off my chest, let’s move along. (But it really is gross & rude.)

Decided to go back to my original posting regimen & daily themes.  I tried a looser posting style, & ended up not posting so much.  So that makes today Mental Health Monday.  Yay?

We had a big day today weather-wise & lost power for a few hours, so I’m getting around to this later than I had planned. Continue reading


So… I’m Really Angry These Days

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”

image used from

Yeah.  I noticed I had not only gotten back to actively playing facebook games.  Not just the usual three or four, but bunches of games.  I started playing them not just in the evenings while watching TV, but first thing in the morning when I got up.  I have been spending hours day & night on these wastes of time.  Okay, me wasting hours of my day on gaming is nothing new, but on facebook games??

I decided to limit myself & focus more on things around the house I’ve been procrastinating on, & that’s where it got crazy.  I realized I was angry.  Really, really, crazy angry.  About anything & everything.  The kind of angry where someone saying hello might as well be punching me in the face. Continue reading


Mental Health Monday: Up & Down, & Through It.

“I don’t like standing near the edge of a platform when an express train is passing through.  I like to stand right back and if possible get a pillar between me and the train.  I don’t like to stand by the side of a ship and look down into the water.  A second’s action would end everything.  A few drops of desperation.”
~Winston Churchill (Quotes on Bipolar)

Cruikshank woman committing suicide by jumping off a bridge from; believed to be in the public domain.

I share that feeling with Mr. Churchill. I can’t be near a drop without thinking of jumping anymore than I can have a knife without thinking of cutting myself. I avoid guns entirely for those reasons. The image used is Cruikshank Woman Committing Suicide By Jumping Off A Bridge. I found it through on a Google search. The site wouldn’t come up, but the image was still on Google. The snippet said it is considered a public domain image.

So the last week was pretty good, but still a bit up & down.  It started off strong, then dipped the last half.  Though, I feel like I don’t remember much of last week.  I do know that I kept up with my exercise & Weight Watchers, & some housework even when I felt down, or had a binge one day.  I am very proud of that.  Not to mention updating this blog:~)  I’ve been cranky today & am pushing myself to write this.   Also, I only slept about four or five hours last night, so I’m really tired.

With that I think I’ll get to the bullets point review. Continue reading


Reasons Why I <3 Me!

“You can explore the universe looking for somebody who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and you will not find that person anywhere.”
(Self-love Quotes)

Pope Morris XI

Pope Morris XI agrees I’m pretty fucking awesome! (I cobbled this together from various pics off the net to amuse some friends. My appologies I don’t remeber where I got them. Especially the t-shirt. That was a cool site.)

A couple of years ago I had a therapist* who wanted me to write down three good things about myself everyday.  My question to him: “Do they have to be different things everyday?”  His answer was of course, “Yes”.  Needless to say I never did that exercise.

At the time, & since then, & before then, I was stumped as to how I could come up with three new things to like about me every day.  Sure, I could come up with three things period.  But every day?  Do you know how many days that is?  It’s a lot!

For this Thursday Things list I have decided to take up the challenge.  Sort of.  It’s just going to be this one day, but I’ll come up with more than three things. Continue reading

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Mental Health Monday: Awkward Initial Offering

“Manic-depression distorts moods and thoughts, incites dreadful behaviors, destroys the basis of rational thought, and too often erodes the desire and will to live. It is an illness that is biological in its origins, yet one that feels psychological in the experience of it, an illness that is unique in conferring advantage and pleasure, yet one that brings in its wake almost unendurable suffering and, not infrequently, suicide.”
~Kay Redfield Jamison, An Unquiet Mind: A Memior of Moods & Madness~ (Bipolar Quotes)

shattered mannequin photo

So, blogging about the weight loss part was easy, but now I don’t know what to write here.  The issues aren’t as clear cut & fluffy, or as popular, as losing weight.  Way more people can understand wanting to lose a few pounds than who have an idea of what is going on inside my head & how it impacts my life.  It’s hard to make a bullet list of progress markers, but I shall do my best!  This could also be a good place to let my story unfold, but I think today I’ll just stick with the bullet list & ease into my life story.  Foremost, I want a place to be open & honest about what is going on in my life, one that might hopefully be of help to someone in a similar predicament.

Continue reading