My Year To Thrive

"My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style." ~Maya Angelou


Friends With Chronic Problems

People don’t want their lives fixed.  Nobody wants their problems solved.  Their dramas.  Their distractions.  Their stories resolved.  Their messed cleaned up.  Because what would they have left?  Just the big scary unknown.
~Chuck Palahniuk (Brainy Quotes)

Words cannot express how much I don't care.

I’m catching up on the back podcasts of the Mental Health Happy Hour & heard something that got me to thinking.  It’s the Danielle Koenig interview.  I don’t remember what they were talking about, because these words jumped out at me & that’s all I remember from that part of their conversation.

“It’s abusive to keep dumping on your friends when you won’t get help.”

I’ve been turning that idea of in my mind & trying to decide how I feel about it.  A part of me agrees with it, but then a part of me knows what it feels like to be stuck in a problem rut either not knowing what to do or being afraid of what I need to do, or (like now) not being a position to change what is wrong.  It’s good to have friends who will listen to you endlessly & encourage you to lift yourself up.

Some people do seem to make a lifestyle out of having problems though.  They never want to fix anything because they seem to enjoy the attention they get from being sick or put upon or whatever, or they act like they want to fix it but constantly come with excuses why they can’t.  I also think there’s an element of control to it, as well as not having to take responsibility for their lives & actions.  They never take care of themselves or do anything to improve their lot, & every time you talk to them the conversation revolves around what’s wrong with them.  And we can’t forget if you have any problems, their problems are worse.  I grew up with family members like that, & those people really try my patience.  For my own sanity, I try to distance myself from people like that.

I often find myself wanting to shake them & tell them to either do something about their problems or shut up.  What keeps me from doing that is the memory of having someone say that to me.  I have had recurrent suicidal thoughts since I was in high school, & it never goes away regardless of meds or therapy or how good my life is.  That is what has led to both my hospitalizations & my residential treatment program (which I ended up in because I refused to be hospitalized again).

I was talking to a friend about feeling suicidal one day, & he told me “Either do it or shut up about it.”  This was someone I had been friends with for more than a decade.  Needless to say we are no longer friends.  It wasn’t an immediate end, but I definitely knew I couldn’t talk to him about how I was feeling anymore.  That was very hurtful, especially since he basically told me to kill myself.  What a jackass.

So that’s what I’m thinking about now, & would love to hear some other opinions about dealing with people stuck in a problem rut.


In other news, I’m still trying to shake off my mood from last week, but I’m going to start working on my 4mi goal today regardless.  Getting back out there will be the surest way to work through the lingering emotions.  I can only lay in bed for so long before I start feeling like a lumpy turd.


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Good News, Meh News

“The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are.”
~John Pierpont Morgan (QuotationsBook)

Running Man by Travis Lampe

This image perfectly captures how I feel about running at the moment 🙂 It links to an article on running & being fat at Utne, which credits the image to Travis Lampe @ Could not find the image on his site, so default linked to the article.

You may have gleaned from the image & its caption, I have started running again.  Hurray!  I got my paperwork in last night for Brad Gansberg’s 5K in 100 Days running program & got my acceptance email this morning.  Decided no time like the present, so I did my first workout today. Continue reading

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Uselessness & Feelings of Rejection

I really wish I was less of a thinking man and more of a fool not afraid of rejection.
~Billy Joel (Brainy Quotes)


This image pretty much sums me up today. I found this pic in an article on IQ taking a hit following rejection. I couldn’t find any source credit for the art, & when I tried to get a link for the site, my antivirus blocked it as a malicious site. So… I’m opting not to pass it on.

Today I was pretty much useless.  I didn’t go to sleep till after 6AM & then slept into the afternoon.  I think my brain stayed in the bed though.  I did not do, or hardly even consider doing, anything purposeful today.  I put away some groceries I bought in the wee hours this morning when I went out for a new toothbrush & the strongest sinus medicine I could find.  The sinus pills & some ibuprofen have helped a little, but I still feel like crap.  I am so achy & tired.  I think the weather is part of it, as the worse the weather has been the worse my head feels, especially my ears.  If this doesn’t clear up, I’m going to have to break down & go to the doctor.  Blah.

Tomorrow will be better.  Until my weigh-in anyways>_<  I has occurred to me to skip my WW meeting tomorrow, but I am committed to going.  That’s one of my focuses for this year, to go to my meetings even if, especially when, I’ve gotten off track.  Great way to motivate myself back on track.

It has also been a bit of an emotional day.  But that’s pretty normal when I don’t feel well.  I lack the wherewithal to keep fighting off my anxieties giving them a great foothold. Continue reading

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Grief: For Lack of a Snappier Title

“Give sorrow words. The grief that does not speak whispers the o’er-fraught heart, and bids it break.”
~William Shakespeare (Grief Quotes)

Me & Tracy at the Monkey Meet in Johnson City

The first weekend we met in real life.

The friend I mentioned in Monday’s post passed away today.  Needless to say, I am greatly saddened by this.  She was a wonderful person & friend who was very supportive of me & my “issues”; especially since we shared a lot of them.  She was someone I initially became aware of through comments on a mutual friend’s journal, but we didn’t become actual friends, online or off, until we met in person at a weekend spent with the aforementioned mutual friend. Continue reading