My Year To Thrive

"My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style." ~Maya Angelou


Wear A Race Shirt Tomorrow

To show solidarity as a community following today’s tragic events at the Boston Marathon, runners are wearing race shirts tomorrow.

boston Capture



A Rant About Being Told “It Could Be Worse” aka Minimizing

In matters of truth and justice, there is no difference between large and small problems, for issues concerning the treatment of people are all the same.
~Albert Einstein (Brainy Quotes)

Oh hell to the no - animated gif made from the show Glee

I found this on Tumblr, which is awful for sourcing, but going on the watermark in the corner I found a potential source.  I can’t verify this is the actual creator because it seems to be private, but I do love accurately crediting things I use, so to the best of my ability here you have it: source StephenNell

This is a bit of  a rant based on something I read yesterday evening that hit one of my triggers.  I couldn’t stop thinking about it, so I wrote about it for catharsis.

I read a post where someone said they were having some struggles, but didn’t want to talk to anyone about it because, among other things, they were afraid of people minimizing their problems because other people have worse issues than they do.

I want to take a moment to give my thoughts on the issue, which is: that’s bullshit.

Pretty much however bad your problem is somebody somewhere is going to have one worse.  That in no way diminishes what you are going through.  You have every right to be as upset as you are called to feel about your problems.  There is no finite pool of misery or sadness or whatever a pool would be full of for problems & worry if one existed, so everyone can feel bad about their problems & it does not take away from people with worse problems. Of course that’s assuming you don’t put on like your problem is the worse thing in whole world & nobody else’s matters. That would also be bullshit.

I have always hated the idea that you shouldn’t worry about things because someone has it worse.  I spent a lot of time thinking about this as a child because my mother would yell at me, call me names, tell me she wished I would die or that I had never been born.  She was also prone to slapping & throwing things.  But my mother never beat me.  A lot of kids were beaten, so naturally I got the “someone has it worse than you” message.  Not from anyone specific, because of course I didn’t talk about things at home with people, but it was just the general idea I guess I picked up from all the messages on tv & from church & school, wherever there was talk of the great problems of the world: beaten & abandoned children, the starving kids in Africa, homeless people, Job & his plagues of many colors.  You get the point.  Oh yeah, & from all the people who always said “it could be worse”.  “Just be grateful you’re not one of those starving kids in Africa.”  (For younger folks, Africa, specifically Ethiopia, was the big humanitarian concern when I was growing up, & the focus of so many late night tv ads to sponsor a child.  So the majority if it could be worse scenarios were built around you could be a starving child in Africa.)

As a child I knew in my heart that attitude was wrong.  I didn’t feel any less sad about what my mother was doing because some kid in Africa was covered in flies with bony arms & a distended belly.  Being told you were lazy, worthless, & hated by the one person in the world who was supposed to love you more than anything sucked regardless of what was going on in other countries.  So yeah, I was grateful my mom didn’t beat me & I wasn’t starving & homeless, but I still had problems & every right to be upset about it & want something better.  I got to be hurt & sad & angry, & nobody got toot to say about it.

I was sexually abused as a child.  I have had the experience diminished by a therapist because I wasn’t penetrated.  So fucking what?  What happened to me still hurts & deeply affects me to this day, as does what that cunt said to me.  I have been in & out of therapy since then but I no longer bring up my sexual abuse.   The fact I wasn’t raped doesn’t mean I wasn’t scared & violated & ashamed & that I haven’t lived with the guilt all these years of knowing I didn’t tell anybody & he molested other children.

If you are hospitalized to have a toe amputated, they don’t put you in the room with someone getting their whole leg removed so you can feel lucky you’re just losing your toe.

News flash: We all get to feel our own pain & have our own problems regardless of how much worse it could have been.

Just wanted to clear that up, because it really is one of my pet peeves to hear I, or anyone, shouldn’t worry about or feel bad about something because it could be worse.  Feel your feelings & fuck anybody who tells you to let it go because it could have been worse.


Beating Myself Up: Am I Too Weak Or Lazy Or Uncaring?

“We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.”
~Kenji Miyazawa
(Quote Garden)

MySpace Sympathy Graphics

Okay, I’m still working on transcribing the blog post I recorded during my walk yesterday.  But I needed to get this out because it’s eating me alive.

The father of my older brother & sister died the other day.  His visitation was Wednesday & his funeral was Thursday morning.  I did not go to either one.  He was my mother’s first husband, & I hardly knew him, but I wanted to go for them. Continue reading


Thoughts On Weight Watchers & Other Random Things

“You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”
~Eleanor Roosevelt

Everyday People Insomnia cartoon #372: "It's unfortunate that all my best thinking happens after midnight."

First Thursday of the month is a long one for me, as I have my NAMI meeting early afternoon a half hour away, then visit my aunt, then Weight Watchers.  Today I picked up dinner & went for a walk/run between my aunt’s & Weight Watchers.  So here I am after midnight just getting to my Thursday Things post.  So I am going to give you a list of some things I thought about today.

For starters, I maintained this week; no weight loss or gain.  Considering the week I had I’m calling that a success!  I’ll go into that more tomorrow when I’ve had time to run the numbers for February & get my update measurements & progress pics.  Since I didn’t do them last month till mid-February doubt they’ll be much difference, but need to get straight with it.

While waiting in line at for weigh-in, I had time to consider some things.  Continue reading


And Now Back To Our Regularly Scheduled Postings

“The reason one writes isn’t the fact he wants to say something. He writes because he has something to say.”
~F. Scott Fitzgerald~

LOLcat too cool for rage


First, let me just open by saying I hate noisy eaters.  I disgusts me to have to listen to it.  Whether it’s smacking, grunting, or those diners who ooh, ah, & moan over their food so much it’s no surprise when they need a cigarette after their meal, I can’t stand it.  Okay, now that I’ve gotten that pet peeve off my chest, let’s move along. (But it really is gross & rude.)

Decided to go back to my original posting regimen & daily themes.  I tried a looser posting style, & ended up not posting so much.  So that makes today Mental Health Monday.  Yay?

We had a big day today weather-wise & lost power for a few hours, so I’m getting around to this later than I had planned. Continue reading


A Sad, But Successful, Week

I have failed over & over in my life, & that is why I succeed.
~Michael Jordan~ (from Steve_Faus on Twitter)

Creepy displays in the park dressed in children's clothes with children's faces.

This is one of the entirely too many creepy “kids” they have as part of a display in the park where I walk. They are dressed in kids’ clothing & have kids’ faces. There are several of them in one area of the park, some of the peaking out from behind trees. I can’t help but think every time I pass them there could be a homocidal midget hiding in there. I always keep my eye on them & pass quickly.

So, I had a not so good week.  If you’ve read any of my posts this week you know I found out last Friday a friend of mine, who had been ill for some time, took a turn for the worse.  Went into a bit of a panic & binged over the weekend.  It didn’t help I made brownies Sunday, even if they were Hungry Girl brownies.  Wednesday afternoon, she passed away.

I rehash this here, just to say I ate through all my points, even my activity points.  I actually ate into negative points for the week, & had to make sure I went out Wednesday to earn some more activity points & balance it out, lol.  Though, what I can proudly say is, even though I still have occasional binges, they are not near what they were.  I call that a win! Continue reading

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Grief: For Lack of a Snappier Title

“Give sorrow words. The grief that does not speak whispers the o’er-fraught heart, and bids it break.”
~William Shakespeare (Grief Quotes)

Me & Tracy at the Monkey Meet in Johnson City

The first weekend we met in real life.

The friend I mentioned in Monday’s post passed away today.  Needless to say, I am greatly saddened by this.  She was a wonderful person & friend who was very supportive of me & my “issues”; especially since we shared a lot of them.  She was someone I initially became aware of through comments on a mutual friend’s journal, but we didn’t become actual friends, online or off, until we met in person at a weekend spent with the aforementioned mutual friend. Continue reading