My Year To Thrive

"My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style." ~Maya Angelou


10 reasons why it Was Worth Getting Out Of Bed Today

I find it immensely helpful to look at lists of days past and see that there was always something that I gained from getting out of bed, even if it was just a cup of tea or experiencing a fortunately timed gust of a warm breeze.
~Anxiety Cat

Anxiety Cat | If any of you ever have trouble getting out of bed…

As I have in many years past, I have started a paper journal of sorts for the year.  I have a list of things to track & it’s always fun to see how far I get each year. ;~)  It started when a therapist several years ago wanted me to write down three things I liked about myself every day.  It had to be three & no, I couldn’t use the same things every day.  It seemed like a daunting task.  I’m still threatened by the idea of having to come up with three reasons to like myself every day, but one is manageable.

This year my daily list involves:

  • Something I Like About Myself
  • Three Goals For Today
  • Something Good About Today
  • Something I Love
  • Something I Am Afraid Of
  • What Made Me Anxious Today

If you listen to the Mental Illness Happy Hour, you probably recognize the love/afraid of items.  I was inspired to track my own list of loves & fears by the show.  I am hopeful adding the list of things that make me anxious will help me tame the beast by getting those things out of my head & onto paper where I can see just how silly they are.  My list gives me something to think about in the morning & at night which I like.  I get to plan ahead & reflect back on the day.

I found the worksheet above on tumblr & thought I would share it here for anyone who needs a little nudge from time to time.

Enjoy & I would love to hear if this helps anyone, or if you do something similar!



A Girl I Used To Know; A Life Led By Fear

Where’s the girl I knew that held
A lighter up to the radio,
She’d do anything she wants
Because she can?
~Christian Kane, “Let’s Take A Drive” (House Rules) 
(Lyrics Gather)

A woman with butterflies flying out of her hair, & the text "When life gives you something that makes you feel afraid, that's when life gives you a chance to be brave." -Lupytha Hermin(My Favorite Run)

I’ve been listening to Christian Kane’s “Let’s Take A Drive” lately & doing a lot of thinking & feeling.  Talking to a friend last night I told her I needed to quit listening to that song because it gives me “all the feels” & makes me think too much.  However, as much as it makes me sad, it’s also motivating.

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“If you have a setback, and you’re not doing well and then you overcome it somehow, it always sticks with you. You know it could happen again”
~Sam Donaldson (Brainy Quotes)

GRR This is my angry face

More sullen, less cute, & you’ve almost got it.

So I went fifteen days of maintaining my habits, & then hit a little bump in the road.  I’m getting it back on track today though.

The funny thing is, it started Wednesday, when I saw the psych nurse.  I told her all about it & how things have been going, & she decided I was doing so well she was going to leave my meds where they are for another couple of months & see how things are going then.

It was a pretty good day, till I got home.  My dad was sick, so he was already in for the day sitting on the couch watching tv.  For some reason this pissed me right off.  I went straight to my room without even speaking to him or looking at him.  I like staying in my room & pretending he doesn’t exist & I don’t actually live in this shit hole.

I had bought a pizza on my way home, & when I saw he was home, I wouldn’t even bring it in the house.  I left it in the car for a few hours till I realized he wasn’t going anywhere, so I brought it inside.  Thankfully he could tell I was in no mood, so he didn’t speak to me or ask many any questions.  I had expected him to say something idiotic like “Did you bring home a pizza?”  Fuck yeah, it’s a pizza. What the hell else does it look like? A new couch??

So that continued for a few days.  Technically it is still continuing.  I was feeling pretty good today till I heard him come home & suddenly I felt dark again.  But I have laid in bed for three days doing nothing of merit & I really need to pull myself out of this slump.

Clearly I am having some mania issues, because despite knowing I need to not be spending my money, I stayed up all night & made a 4am Walmart run.  I needed something for my acid reflux & decided buy something for each of my three habits to encourage me back on track.  I went a teensy bit overboard though.  Oops!  Irritability for no clear reason, plotting the doom of others & myself, & spending money I don’t have.  Yep, it’s hypomania.  I miss the manic episodes where I became the exuberant party girl who stayed up for days & danced around naked.  Where did she go?? Continue reading

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A List of One: Sneaky Hate Spiral

“In order to send you into truly batshit crazy hysterics, the final straw must cause anger that cannot rationally be directed outward in any way.”
~Hyperbole & A Half “Sneaky Hate Spiral”~

Hyperole & A Half "Sneaky Hate Spiral"


Still feeling shitty today, so instead of some carefully crafted list per my usual Thursday Things I present you a list of just one thing:

Hyperbole & A Half’s “Sneaky Hate Spiral”

I think it is a fairly apt description of my mood today.  Today  I did not kill anyone, so I’m counting it is a success.


Mental Health Monday: Up & Down, & Through It.

“I don’t like standing near the edge of a platform when an express train is passing through.  I like to stand right back and if possible get a pillar between me and the train.  I don’t like to stand by the side of a ship and look down into the water.  A second’s action would end everything.  A few drops of desperation.”
~Winston Churchill (Quotes on Bipolar)

Cruikshank woman committing suicide by jumping off a bridge from; believed to be in the public domain.

I share that feeling with Mr. Churchill. I can’t be near a drop without thinking of jumping anymore than I can have a knife without thinking of cutting myself. I avoid guns entirely for those reasons. The image used is Cruikshank Woman Committing Suicide By Jumping Off A Bridge. I found it through on a Google search. The site wouldn’t come up, but the image was still on Google. The snippet said it is considered a public domain image.

So the last week was pretty good, but still a bit up & down.  It started off strong, then dipped the last half.  Though, I feel like I don’t remember much of last week.  I do know that I kept up with my exercise & Weight Watchers, & some housework even when I felt down, or had a binge one day.  I am very proud of that.  Not to mention updating this blog:~)  I’ve been cranky today & am pushing myself to write this.   Also, I only slept about four or five hours last night, so I’m really tired.

With that I think I’ll get to the bullets point review. Continue reading


Reasons Why I <3 Me!

“You can explore the universe looking for somebody who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and you will not find that person anywhere.”
(Self-love Quotes)

Pope Morris XI

Pope Morris XI agrees I’m pretty fucking awesome! (I cobbled this together from various pics off the net to amuse some friends. My appologies I don’t remeber where I got them. Especially the t-shirt. That was a cool site.)

A couple of years ago I had a therapist* who wanted me to write down three good things about myself everyday.  My question to him: “Do they have to be different things everyday?”  His answer was of course, “Yes”.  Needless to say I never did that exercise.

At the time, & since then, & before then, I was stumped as to how I could come up with three new things to like about me every day.  Sure, I could come up with three things period.  But every day?  Do you know how many days that is?  It’s a lot!

For this Thursday Things list I have decided to take up the challenge.  Sort of.  It’s just going to be this one day, but I’ll come up with more than three things. Continue reading

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My Schedule On Desktop Notes

Just in case anyone was interested, I took a screen capture of my desktop, showing how I had set up my daily to-do lists on it.  I mentioned this in yesterday’s post.

My desktop notes to-do & project lists.

Here they are, Mon-Sun, & a project list. I expand the current day & tick each one off with double dashes in front when it's done.

So far, so good.  It’s simple, easy, adaptable, & free.  Plus, it’s in my face – especially since the ‘puter is my favorite means of procrastination.