My Year To Thrive

"My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style." ~Maya Angelou


“There is a particular kind of pain, elation, loneliness, and terror involved in this kind of madness. When you’re high it’s tremendous. The ideas and feelings are fast and frequent like shooting stars, and you follow them until you find better and brighter ones. Shyness goes, the right words and gestures are suddenly there, the power to captivate others a felt certainty. There are interests found in uninteresting people. Sensuality is pervasive and the desire to seduce and be seduced irresistible. Feelings of ease, intensity, power, well-being, financial omnipotence, and euphoria pervade one’s marrow. But, somewhere, this changes. The fast ideas are far too fast, and there are far too many; overwhelming confusion replaces clarity. Memory goes. Humor and absorption on friends’ faces are replaced by fear and concern. Everything previously moving with the grain is now against– you are irritable, angry, frightened, uncontrollable, and enmeshed totally in the blackest caves of the mind. You never knew those caves were there. It will never end, for madness carves its own reality.”
~Kay Redfield Jamison, An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness (Goodreads)



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Therapies for Treatment-Resistant Depression: A Review of the Research (Agency for Healthcare Research & Quality)

“About half or more of all people treated with medicine for their depression will still have some symptoms or will have symptoms come back.”

Nonpharm therapy options for Treatment Resistant Depression

This is a consumer oriented article on non-pharmaceutical options for Treatment Resistant Depression.  The information is taken from studies done between 1980 & 2010.  As you can see from the image I skimmed from the article, it covers ECT, rTMS, VNS, & TT.

The inclusion of TT (talk therapy) really catches my attention here.  I think that should be a part of any mental health treatment (or behavioral health as is becoming the preferred term), regardless of whether someone is on meds or not.    The trend towards just pushing pills on people & letting that be that concerns & irks me.  In my experience most people struggling with Depression & other illnesses have personal issues they need to work out, as well as needing to learn new coping mechanisms & other ways of living with their diagnosis.  Just having a diagnosis can require some help processing for many people.

I get so annoyed when people talk about how depressed they are, but the only treatment they get is some pills from their regular doctor.  This is especially dangerous for people who might have undiagnosed Bipolar Disorder or another issue being masked by the more obvious signs of Depression.  Someone with Bipolar who is just given an anti-depressant can be spun into a manic episode & those don’t always end well.  With our current community mental health system proper care (or as close as the bare bones funding most of them get will allow) is within reach of most people.  Our society in general is way to geared towards just wanting to take a pill as a quick solution to any problem.

But anyhoo, enough of my blahblah, linkage:

Therapies for Treatment-Resistant Depression: A Review of the Research

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“If you have a setback, and you’re not doing well and then you overcome it somehow, it always sticks with you. You know it could happen again”
~Sam Donaldson (Brainy Quotes)

GRR This is my angry face

More sullen, less cute, & you’ve almost got it.

So I went fifteen days of maintaining my habits, & then hit a little bump in the road.  I’m getting it back on track today though.

The funny thing is, it started Wednesday, when I saw the psych nurse.  I told her all about it & how things have been going, & she decided I was doing so well she was going to leave my meds where they are for another couple of months & see how things are going then.

It was a pretty good day, till I got home.  My dad was sick, so he was already in for the day sitting on the couch watching tv.  For some reason this pissed me right off.  I went straight to my room without even speaking to him or looking at him.  I like staying in my room & pretending he doesn’t exist & I don’t actually live in this shit hole.

I had bought a pizza on my way home, & when I saw he was home, I wouldn’t even bring it in the house.  I left it in the car for a few hours till I realized he wasn’t going anywhere, so I brought it inside.  Thankfully he could tell I was in no mood, so he didn’t speak to me or ask many any questions.  I had expected him to say something idiotic like “Did you bring home a pizza?”  Fuck yeah, it’s a pizza. What the hell else does it look like? A new couch??

So that continued for a few days.  Technically it is still continuing.  I was feeling pretty good today till I heard him come home & suddenly I felt dark again.  But I have laid in bed for three days doing nothing of merit & I really need to pull myself out of this slump.

Clearly I am having some mania issues, because despite knowing I need to not be spending my money, I stayed up all night & made a 4am Walmart run.  I needed something for my acid reflux & decided buy something for each of my three habits to encourage me back on track.  I went a teensy bit overboard though.  Oops!  Irritability for no clear reason, plotting the doom of others & myself, & spending money I don’t have.  Yep, it’s hypomania.  I miss the manic episodes where I became the exuberant party girl who stayed up for days & danced around naked.  Where did she go?? Continue reading