So What If I’m Fat?

“…the ‘deaths attributable to obesity’ statistics classify all dead obese people as killed by their fat, even if they were murdered with a tuning fork by evil clowns from outer space.”
~ Rio (She Dances on the Sand) (Unapologetically Fat)

I loved this outfit till I realized I looked like a Jedi.

So I was doing Weight Watchers & I quit.  I decided I don’t want to track every drop & crumb I ingest.  I don’t want to worry about the fat, calories, carbs, & fiber content of every food I come across.  I want to enjoy what I eat, not obsess over it.

I don’t want the focus of my attention, my emotions, how I feel about myself tied to the numbers on a scale.  I want to love myself unconditionally, damn the numbers.

Most importantly, I don’t want my physical activity tied to what the scale says.  I enjoy running just for the hell of it.  Why ruin it by deciding the worth of my efforts is determined by what the scale says each week?  I have enjoyed walking, step aerobics, & other activities over the years, but I tied them to weight loss & when that didn’t go as planned I ditched them all with whatever diet I was on at the time.  What a waste!

I have come to the conclusion that if being fat is the worst thing that ever happens to me, I’m going to be just fine.

A link was recently shared with me to a list of articles debunking the death fat epidemic.  I haven’t had the chance to explore many of the individual articles, but I’m saving it for a day when I am feeling less run down & haven’t already burned my eyeballs reading a lot of other interesting stuff. (I really hate reading from a computer.)

Truth Behind Fat: References @ Big Liberty

So It’s A New Year

“Take care of your body with steadfast fidelity. The soul must see through these eyes alone, and if they are dim, the whole world is clouded.”
~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (Health Quotes)

Pretty much the truth of it. Every. Damn. Time. (pinned on Pinterest & just labeled “uploaded by user” so I can’t track it back to a source or even find where I pinned it from it’s been so long. Sorry.)

Here it is 2012 & I have been quiet for a while.  I’m still here, I just haven’t been updating.  But since I’m here now, I shall give you the 411 of what is going on with me.

The Excuses You Use to Not Stick to Your Exercise Program | World of Psychology

“If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.”
~ Buddhist Saying (Quotes on Courage)

Random.

I’m still around & haven’t forgotten about this blog 🙂  I just had a bad spell, but I survived it.  I quit doing WW, though I’m still paying for it, & I quit exercising, both running & the gym.  I’m going to get back to WW & running, maybe join a little gym in the next town, but right now I’m not worrying about it.  My motto right now is: I’m okay.

I’ve been feeling much better, getting things done around the house & being crafty.  I even finally started posting to my crafting blog.  Finally.  But my good days feel so tenuous, I’m afraid at this point to put any pressure on trying to be more.  So it’s okay if I’m not doing this or following that plan.  I’m doing something that enriches me, so all good.

I do have healthy eating & activity on my mind though, & I saw this article: The Excuses You Use to Not Stick to Your Exercise Program | World of Psychology.

She made a list based on people her trainer friends saw who generally didn’t last.  This one sounds so much like me!

“I can’t wait to start. But first, I need to buy some new clothes. And some new shoes. And a mat. And I want to read up on it, too.”

I had a roommate like this. She loved shopping and everything involved in the preparation stage. But once she had all the stuff she needed for yoga or roller-blading or whatever, she lost interest.

I am such a shopper/preparer!  I love planning, hate doing.  I have been aware for a while of my habit of being all about something, till I feel settled enough in it to shop for it.  Then once I spend all this money on whatever it is, I suddenly lose interest.  What’s that about?  Apparently ^^that^^ is what it’s about.

Another Disappointing Loss, More Whining, & A List Of Positives To Balance It Out

“Time and time again I’m half stalled
One giant leap of faith is easy
When everyone you ask is so sure.”
~Snow Patrol “Grazed Knee” (Lyrics007)

Listening to Snow Patrol tonight to perk myself up & those lyrics to “Grazed Knee” just really spoke to me. Actually they always do, but tonight I decided they would be my post quote. Prior to looking the lyrics up, I always thought he said “half starved”, but half stalled works ever better for me right now!

Today was very up & down. It started off on the wrong foot since my alarm didn’t go off, so I didn’t wake up enough to get in an early run. Then I was having a relaxing day & actually getting a few things done around the house when something so ridiculously meaningless & stupid happened I can’t even believe it upset me so much, but all my good feelings just drained out of me. I went right to the feeling of being alone & unsupported.

Still Waiting On That Magic Energy I Was Promised…

“If you focus on results, you will never change.  If you focus on change, you will get results.”
~Jack Dixon (Motivating Quotes)

Found this cute snail cartoon & wanted to share. It’s from a small cartoon site, Snevelandco.com, for “Snevel & Co. Featuring the world’s most extreme snail”. The image links to the site.

(6/19/2012 – I’m sorry Snevel has disappeared.  It isn’t on the site anymore & I can’t find where it has moved to.  I’ll leave it here in case it comes back though.)

So I’m going on week 5 of daily exercise, & still feel sluggish.  Everything & everyone tells me “exercise will give you energy!”  Nope, I just feel tired all the time still.

I’ve been fighting an ear & sinus infection though, & just finished up the rx sinus pills yesterday & will finish the antibiotic tomorrow.  Not really feeling much better, but maybe in a few days it will come together.

Success, Success, & Not So Much Today

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”
~Maria Robinson (ThinkExist)

I made this tonight for a friend after a random comment of “give your potato wings”. My mind comes up with the craziest stuff. Even I don’t know what it means. She calls herself a potato body-wise, so I think it’s about being free & hopeful. Everytime I look at this potato it makes me happy. It truly evokes a sense of freedom & hopefulness for me. Doesn’t the potato look blissful?

SUCCESS #1:  Today was W1D2 of the Run a 5K in 100 Days program for me.  Hurray!  It went very well & I even added some extra walking before & after to get my exercise time up to 1&1/2hrs.  I run nearly as slow as I walk, so it was about 3.5miles in total.  I averaged about 2.5mph, usual for me.

Ready To Break The Sugar Cycle… Again

“Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism.”
~Carl Jung (BrainyQuotes)

A very apt cartoon & accompanying article (click the image for the link) showing the power sugar has over us as a society, & how that might be viewed by outsiders. We are like well trained lab rats. Thanks to Mark Adams & NaturalNews.com for this.

I went over my points again today.  That makes me seven for seven days this week going over my daily points allowance.  Today was not so bad though, thankfully.  Today I only went over by exactly the number of points in the raspberry cheesecake cookie I ate at Subway.  Oops.  Damn, that’s a good cookie!  But it’s not entirely the cookie’s fault I went over.  I could have not eaten other things, but it was the one I could have, & should have, most done without.  But my body was craving something sweet & I caved.  I had a doctor’s appointment today, so skipped eating before it.  By the time I got out of there I was starving & weak:(

Good News, Meh News

“The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are.”
~John Pierpont Morgan (QuotationsBook)

This image perfectly captures how I feel about running at the moment 🙂 It links to an article on running & being fat at Utne, which credits the image to Travis Lampe @ TravisLampe.com. Could not find the image on his site, so default linked to the article.

You may have gleaned from the image & its caption, I have started running again.  Hurray!  I got my paperwork in last night for Brad Gansberg’s 5K in 100 Days running program & got my acceptance email this morning.  Decided no time like the present, so I did my first workout today.

Woo hoo! Four pounds :D

“If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t lead anywhere.” ~Frank A. Clark (ThinkExist)

I bought a sexy new hat after getting a bit too much sun on my face & scalp during a long walk on Tuesday. I have always loved hats, but shy away from them because I have a huge head & don’t normally care for how they look on me. This was a fast $2 clearance purchase at the dollar store & I ❤ it!

Know what else I love this week?  Losing four pounds at Weight Watchers!  Oh yeah, FOUR pounds this week:D  Felt great, especially after all the work I put in the last three days just to work off the points overage for the week.  It makes 32.2lbs lost, so I got my 6th 5lb star:) & I finally got my 10% key chain (they were out when I actually hit my 10%) & my 25lb weight.  Go me!

Three Days

“We fail everyday.”
~Anthony Miller, on the series Ruby

Fear of Failure – Quotes – Pictures

So for the last week I had daily sugary desserts.  Monday through Thursday the training luncheons had cakes, cookies, & other assorted goodies.  Friday was my niece’s birthday party where I indulged in the traditional cake & ice cream (as well as pepperoni pizza & non-diet coke>_<), Saturday I had chocolate chip cookies, & Sunday there wasn’t anything special but I was on a roll & craving sugar so I dug around & found & some cinnamon rolls in the fridge.  Beyond just the sugar, I have gone well over my daily points so far & chewed through my weekly points & meager activity points already.  Boo.

I have three days left in this tracking week & weigh-in Thursday evening.  Today I am refocused & committed to staying OP & earning enough AP in those three days to balance out the overage in my WPA.  It’s 16pts, so very doable before Thursday.

Now off I go!

Note about the quote I used: I have been watching Ruby from the beginning & this “quote” *ahem* (I’m going off my memory from last night, so it’s close enough…)  He says this to her while they are discussing her bedroom makeover & he wants her to get rid of her old clothes, but she wants to hold on to them “just in case” she fails because she has so many times before.  He tells her then that we all fail everyday, but…  then he trails off.  I assume he was going to finish with something like but we get back up & try again.  I found it very inspirational because it tells us failure isn’t the huge ordeal some of us (me) make it out to be (usually).  We try, we fail, we keep trying.  It’s the nature of life & how we learn.  So, it seemed appropriate for today.